Michael Bay diarrhea
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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