Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
