you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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