Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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