You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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