I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
