try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
