It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
