im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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