I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
