I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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