I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
