John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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