My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
