Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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