I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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