you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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