this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
that's an acceptable place to lick
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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