Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
