woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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