Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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