Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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