I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
