Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
