we're blogging at a bar
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
