Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think i got beer on your cat.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
