I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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