I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
