i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
