Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
