hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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