So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.