Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.

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(716): View more from New York

i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(571): View more from Virginia

i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

so you made the shocked face and they caught you.

(571): View more from Virginia

yup.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.

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(585): View more from New York

She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that

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