I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.