Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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