Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
