i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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