hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
