You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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