I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
