Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
