do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
