420 ftw
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
