You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
