The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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