god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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