Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
