Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
