I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
