I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
