she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
