can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
