Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
