I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
