This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
