I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
