"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
