We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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