Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
