My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
