i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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