Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
