So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
