go do what you do best...puke behind churches
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My life is pants optional.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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