we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
