I'm eating all of the evidence.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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