the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The air was thick with penises
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
