I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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