nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
