I puked a lego.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
