Yo dont text me then not text me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
